Whiskey and Rain
by Hush Now-Hold That Thought
Summary: Angel muses on leaving Sunnydale, and Buffy Summers. Set at the beginning of season one.


Disclaimer: Joss owns the characters, Anne Rice owns the line from the movie.

Rating: TV-14

Summary: Angel contemplates the night he left Sunnydale, and the love of his life, Buffy Summers.

A/N: I'm not one for writing B/A fics, let alone het fics, but I took a quiz on what Cowboy Bebop song I was and I got this song, Adieu, so I wrote this fic.

[Been a fool, been a clown

Lost my way from up and down

And I know, yes I know

And I see it in your eyes

That you really weren't surprised at me at all

Not at all

And I know by your smile it's you.]

I left that night.

And it tore my cold, dead heart out.

I could've hugged her. Told her I loved her. Kissed her one last time.

But I didn't. I backed slowly into the mist, and I left. I left the only sunshine that's been in my life for over two hundred years.

And it tore my heart out.

Wait. Did I already say that? Probably. I tend to repeat myself when I'm drunk. The neck of the bottle of Irish whiskey is comfortable in my hand, the lip of the bottle wet from my drinking. The liquor is as smooth as honey going down, scorching like the first drought of blood I took from Darla.

[Don't care for me, don't cry

Let's say goodbye, Adieu.

It's time to say goodbye, I know that in time

It will just fade away, it's time to say goodbye.]

Now I'm alone, as I was when the gypsies cursed me with a soul. And it's my fault I'm alone, as it was then. Buffy thought we could work through this. She was wrong. I can't be with her and not touch her...not kiss her, not taste her raspberry skin.

That's what I whispered to her as I laved her skin with my tongue, worshipped her with my lips. I told her that she tasted like raspberry wine, and smelled of warm vanilla. Said her skin is as soft as velvet. Told her she was a goddess of the light, made by angel dust and sunshine.

And she is, you know.

Perfection.

Light.

A goddess.

[I stand alone, and watch you fade away like clouds

High up and in the sky

I'm strong and so cold

As I stand alone

Goodbye. So long. Adieu.]

I saw the tears in her eyes that night, when I faded away into the mist. I could almost feel her slipping through my fingers like rain. A single tear fell from her, sliding down her cheek. A tear holding all her sorrow and her anger, and her regret. The tear that was the final goodbye to me. Buffy is the Slayer. When she cries, she sees it as a weakness. And so, that single tear held all of her emotion, because more tears would've been weak.

[Oh how I love you so, lost in those memories

And now you've gone

I feel the pain, feeling like a fool, Adieu]

I sit here now, on the roof of my building, watching the lights of L.A. I take pulls from the whiskey bottle, and look at the ring in my hand. The Claddagh, exactly like the one I gave her, the one that was so full of her love that it brought me back from hell. The ring I twirl in my hand though, is bigger. Of course, it needs to fit on my finger.

When I first saw Buffy, the ring was on my right hand, the crown facing out. It was the only bit of jewelry I had. The crown was facing out because my heart was yet to be won. But when I saw her, I turned the ring around, the crown facing toward me. Because she'd captured my heart, and I'd fallen under love's spell.

[My love for you burns deep

Inside me, so strong

Embers of times we had

And now here I stand lost in a memory

I see your face and smile.]

Whistler noticed this with dismay, but I didn't care.

The years passed. I cleaned up, got some new clothes, and I watched her. And when I knew she loved me, when I saw our feelings were mutual, I took the ring from my right hand, and put it on my left, the crown facing inwards. That signified that my love was requited.

So I bought a ring for her, told her the story, and how she should wear it. And she did. It was one of the happiest days of my unlife.

[Oh how I love you so, lost in those memories

And now you've gone

I feel the pain, feeling like a fool, Adieu.]

I wrap my fist around the ring now, and set the bottle down as I reach into my pocket. I pull a thin silver chain from my pocket, and put the ring on the chain.

As I clasp the chain around my neck, rain begins to fall, as well as my tears. I won't wear the ring on my right hand, because I'm not free, but neither am I under love's spell. I will not wear it on my left hand, because I no longer know if she feels the way she used to about me.

The rain masks my tears as I grasp the ring, tugging gently on my neck, and I pick up the whiskey again, and take another pull. Whiskey and rain. I squeeze the ring a little, assuring myself that it's there and always will be. On the farthest place from where it should be. It shows not my status of love, but that I am alone, and that is the only way I can be.

Alone.

Tears still streaming down my cheeks, and rain soaking me to the skin, I tuck the ring inside my shirt, and take another swig from my whiskey bottle. Only my love for her keeps me alive, not blood. Not the demons I fight every night in this wretched city.

Spike once compared me to an Anne Rice vampire, right?

So I'll say this in closing.

All my passion went with her yellow hair. I'm a spirit with preternatural

flesh. Detached. Unchangeable.

Empty.

[My love for you burns deep

Inside me, so strong

Embers of times we had

And now here I stand lost in a memory

I see your face and smile.]

-The End-


End file.
